My abyss, 1979-1982

I was so sure of it that I said so publicly, including in Congressional testimony. Instead, the market rallied into one of the great bull runs in modern history, and I was completely wrong.

The damage wasn't only financial, though the financial damage was severe enough — I lost so much money for myself and for clients that I had to lay off every single person working at Bridgewater and personally borrow $4,000 from my own father just to cover my family's basic bills. The deeper damage was psychological: watching how my own certainty had actively helped produce the outcome, because that certainty stopped me from seeking out the disagreement that might have caught the error before it cost anything.

I wasn't defeated by the complexity of the situation alone — plenty of people navigate complex, uncertain situations without losing everything. I was defeated by a specific, nameable set of failures: blind spots I didn't know I had, overconfidence in a single narrative, and a deep need to be proven right that made me discount the people around me who saw it differently.

The way out of that hole wasn't motivation or willpower in the way people usually mean those words. It was humility made practical and specific: sitting down to study exactly what had happened, tracing it back to its actual root causes rather than a vague sense of bad luck, and then rebuilding my decision-making process so that the same specific mistake — trusting my own conviction over other people's disconfirming evidence — became structurally harder to repeat.

Out of that, pain became something closer to a signal than a wound. Approached directly instead of avoided, it could be converted into a better machine — one built explicitly to survive being wrong, and to learn faster precisely because it had been wrong once, badly, in public, with real consequences.

The single most useful change was swapping the question "Am I right?" for "How do I know I'm right?" That meant seeking out the smartest people I could find who disagreed with me, trying to understand their reasoning rather than defeat it, and learning to balance my bets so that being wrong would hurt far less — without giving up the upside of being right.