Trigger the Two Words That Immediately Transform Any Negotiation: How to Gain the Permission to Persuade
A chapter summary from Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss.
“After “That’s right,” the next problem is shaping what feels fair without sparking a fight.”
“You’re right” can be a polite exit. It often means, “Fine—now let’s move on.” The words that matter more are “That’s right.”
“That’s right” shows up when the other person feels you’ve captured their world: what they want, what they fear, and why their position makes sense. You earn it by summarizing their story with care—labels, mirrors, and a recap—then letting silence invite correction or agreement. When they say “That’s right,” they’re not validating you. They’re hearing themselves, clearly, and relaxing.
This is permission to persuade. People hate being pushed, but they’ll move when they feel seen. Defensiveness drops, and options appear.
After “That’s right,” the next problem is shaping what feels fair without sparking a fight.
Voss draws a sharp line between you're right and that's right. You're right is one of the most useless responses in negotiation; it is a polite brush-off that means stop talking, I'll do what I want anyway. The breakthrough phrase is that's right, said by the other side after you have accurately summarized their situation, because it means they feel genuinely understood and have taken ownership of the conclusion rather than having it imposed.
You earn that's right by combining the earlier tools into a summary: a good summary is an accusation audit plus labels, a paraphrase of their world plus the naming of their emotions, delivered back to them so completely that they recognize themselves in your words. When the summary lands, the only natural response is that's right, and at that moment the other person becomes an ally in solving the problem.
His most powerful illustration is the hostage and the hardened-criminal negotiations where reciting the suspect's grievances and fears back to him, without judgment, produced that's right and cracked the standoff. The underlying mechanism is close to the Benjamin Franklin effect: people commit to conclusions they feel they reached themselves. The chapter's lesson is that persuasion is not about making the other side admit you are correct; it is about understanding them so thoroughly that they admit you have understood, which is the permission slip that lets real movement begin.
The discipline this demands is patience: you do not rush to your pitch, you build the summary until the other side says those two words, and only then do you have the permission to move them. That's right marks the instant a counterpart stops defending and starts collaborating, which is why Voss treats earning it, rather than winning an argument, as the real hinge of every negotiation.
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More from Never Split the Difference
- Introduction · 2 minNever Split the Difference
- Chapter 1 · 2 minThe New Rules: How to Become the Smartest Person…in Any Room
- Chapter 2 · 2 minBe a Mirror: How to Quickly Establish Rapport
- Chapter 3 · 2 minDon’t Feel Their Pain, Label It: How to Create Trust with Tactical Empathy
- Chapter 7 · 2 minCreate the Illusion of Control: How to Calibrate Questions to Transform Conflict into Collaboration
- Chapter 8 · 2 minGuarantee Execution: How to Spot the Liars and Ensure Follow-Through from Everyone Else
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