How to Spur People On to Success

His first teacher discouraged him, saying his voice sounded like the wind in the shutters. But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms around him and told him she believed he could sing, that she could already notice his improvement. Her praise and her sacrifices changed that boy's life. His name was Enrico Caruso, who became one of the greatest opera singers of his age.

The same dynamic, Carnegie noted, shaped the early life of the novelist H. G. Wells and many others. People rise to the encouragement they receive. A child told repeatedly that they are clumsy becomes clumsy; a child whose smallest gains are noticed and celebrated keeps reaching higher. Abilities wither under criticism and bloom under encouragement.

Psychologist Jess Lair captured the hunger behind this principle: "Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise."

The crucial qualifier is that the praise must be specific and sincere, not the cheap, universal flattery that everyone sees through. Carnegie drew a sharp line between appreciation and flattery: appreciation is sincere and comes from the heart; flattery is insincere and comes from the teeth out. The way to give honest praise is to look for the particular thing done well and name it concretely, so the person knows exactly what to repeat.

When you spotlight a small win, you give the person a reputation to live up to and a clear target to aim for again. A manager who tells a new employee, "That report was much clearer than last week's — the summary up front made it easy to act on," is not just being nice; they are training behavior. People will work harder and persist longer to keep a praise they have already earned than to chase a reward they have never tasted.